I'm back

Recently a friend of mine asked me why I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I couldn't come up with an answer other than I just stopped - life is what happened. She said she enjoyed reading it, and encouraged me to get back in.

"A story of faith, food and fellowship," has morphed since I first blogged. I started the blog about two years ago when I was first diagnosed with Crohn's disease as a way to chronicle my dealing with the disease and trying new treatments. After I suffered a stroke in September 2011, my blog became part of my recovery as a way for me to keep people updated and put into words what many times I couldn't say about what I was going through.

I don't quite know where the blog is going now, but I know I want to keep writing. I enjoy writing, and I missed it. So here it goes.

That same friend who encouraged me to start blogging again recently lead a retreat for teenage girls at my church. I was one of the counselors, but I think I took away just as much as the teenage girls. During a Q&A session, she was asked how to be a successful writer. Her reply was read, and read a lot. So in honor of her advice, I figured I would restart my blog by making two reading suggestions from authors I personally know and trust.

The first book is "Perfectly Unique" by Annie Downs, who happens to be the person who advised me to blog again.

The book is written for teenage girls. But anyone who knows a teenage girl or has ever been a teenage girl should read this. Using humor and stories, Annie explains how all your body parts, from head to foot, connect you to God. Your mind plays an important role is your relationship with God. What you think directly influences how you act. Many of the things that keep us from having an intimate relationship with God start from lies dwelling in our mind. I've teased your with revealing one piece, you'll have to read the book to learn more. I promise you'll come away thinking differently, and you'll laugh along the way.

The second book is by another woman I admire and respect - "Rescuing Hope," by Susan Norris.

I will caution you that this book will ruin you - but in a good way. Susan tells the fictional story of "Hope," an all-American girl who gets sucked into the horrible world of sex trafficking. Unfortunately sex trafficking is a big business in America, taking the young lives of teenage girls. As someone who mentors teenage girls at church, it was hard reading this book and not seeing their faces in Hope. I've "yelled" at Susan twice about the book. The first was I thought it was a good idea to finish reading it while sitting a table at La Parilla. I speak Spanish and knew exactly what the waiters were saying about the crazy girl crying in the booth. The second was she has ruined the song "Restoration" for me. I can't sign that song without crying now. I challenge you to try reading the book and not finish it asking what can I do to fight against this horrible crime.

I hope you're all glad I'm back. Even if nobody follows my blog, I'm glad to be back doing something I love.  Who knows what'll come next...

Today was a walk in the park - not so a year ago

I've been thinking about how I wanted to write this blog for several weeks. Today, as I drove from UW campaign rally to campaign rally, my mind would drift to how I wanted to write today's blog. A lot went through my mind, and some tears were shed, both happy and sad. I'm writing this after getting home from a walk in the nearby park with my dog. Amazing how a walk in the rain will help break writers block.

The reason I wanted to write something today is a year ago, Sept. 18, 2011, I was laying in an operating room at Kennestone Hospital and amazing doctors were fighting to save my life. The basic story was one of the veins in my brain had a clot which caused my brain to swell. To save my life, doctors removed part of my skull and placed it in my stomach for about 6 months while the swelling went down. This surgery was a week after I suffered from a stroke at the age of 26.

How do you put into words what has transpired a year ago today?

Shock - Who has a stoke at age 26? Who walks around with a part of their skull in their stomach for six months? Who goes from being fairly healthy to fighting for her life?

Pain - Surgery, tests, physical therapy, headaches, medicines...

Confusion - Why did this happen? What does my future look like? Will I ever have my life back?

Depression - Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to basically rebuild/relearn my life?

Instead of dwelling on these thoughts, I'd rather talk about the positives that have happened in my life since those brave doctors made the choices they needed to on Sept. 18, 2011.

-Tripp: I'll start with my 1-year old nephew Tripp (or as I love to call him Bud-Bud) Tripp is basically the best medicine a person could ever get. Running around with this lil guy is the best thing in the world. I've been able to watch him go from a small baby who loved to cuddle with me while I recovered, to a extremely energetic lil boy who loves to play chase. And he is the sweetest thing - nothing bets him seating in my lap as we read "If I were a dinosaur" for the 28+ time that day

-Love: I have felt such an outpouring of love this last year that sometimes I cry tears of joy just thinking about how much love has been poured out on me and my family. From those who brought food for my family, to those who sat with me while I vented or cried, I can't even begin to list all the examples of love I've felt this past year

-Prayer: I've always believed in the power of prayer, but I've been use to asking my close friends/families to pray for a certain issues. Never in my life have I had entire churches, people across the country and people in other countries interceding on my behalf to God asking for my healing. I still meet what some would call strangers, I call angels, who tell me they prayed and are still praying for my full healing.

-Trust: Through this experience, I went from a very independent lady to at times, totally dependent on family, friends and doctors. I've learned that I can't do everything on my own. Sometimes you need someone to hold your hand, push you to get out of the bed and do your physical therapy (Elise!) and make the best medical decisions that are needed.

-Laughter: There has been a lot of tears this last year, but there has been a lot of laughter - from dancing the "Interlude" late at night at summer camp with my 11th grade girls, to going on a girls trip with my mom and sister-in-law to Charleston, SC.

Beauty - One of the first things I remember after surgery is my dad telling me about how half my head had been shaved for the surgery. I lightly felt down the right side of my hair and felt my long curls, and then down my left side to find short, shaved hair. As I'm watching my hair grow out now, I'm enjoying the simplicity of it. While I cried at first, I know enjoy it.

Family - I have always loved my family, now I LOVE my family. I don't know how many sleepless nights my parents went through the last year, the hours my brothers spent in my hospital room or the cards, phone calls and texts my family sent to encourage me the last year, but I value every ounce of it. I wouldn't replace my family for anything.

Faith - To say this last year has been easy would be a lie. To say my faith wasn't tested would too. I never lost my faith in God - but I sure questioned Him, his plan for me and why this all happened. I've mostly stopped asking "why?," although if I'm honest, I'd admit that there are times when its dark and I'm lying in bed I still wonder "why?" My new question to God is "What?" What is God's plan for me in all of this? What does God want to me to learn from what? What does God have next for me? I've found it's a relief for ask "What?" instead of "Why?" Many times the "Why?" will never be answered, but the "What?"will make my faith grow.

Each week a new piece of my life returns - Isabelle coming back to Marietta after living with my brother in Birmingham for a few months, my skull being put back into place, fewer and fewer pills taken each day, moving back into my own home, returning to the youth group at Riverstone to mentor to my 11th grade girls, being a counselor at Summer Camp, going back to work full time (and now taking on six of United Way's top accounts), going to watch Auburn football at Jordan-Hare stadium - just to name a few.

I will always have the scars to remind me what happened a year ago. But as I've said in an earlier blog, my scars are pictures to tell my story. While I wished this never happened to me, I can find comfort in all the good that has come out of this.

The only thing I have left to say is THANK YOU to everyone who has played a part in my recovery. You are all my guardian angels!!!!

Scars are visible reminders of your testimony

Awhile ago I wrote a blog about the phrase, "chicks dig scars," and about how I disagreed with that idea when it came to scares on girls. But I've been inspired recently to revisit my thoughts on scars the last two days.

The first inspiration came from one of the shooting victims in Colorado. As a form reporter, I've been watching all the coverage since the horrible incident occurred. On Saturday, they were interviewing one of the survivors in the hospital. The guys was commenting about how he may have been hit by several bullets, his scars will be forever reminders of how he survived and has a life to live.

My second inspirations came from my dad. Today as we were getting ready to head to the golf course, he asked me where I got the scar on my right shoulder. Surprised that he forgot, I reminded him that his demon beach tent attacked me when we were at the beach in April and that scar is still there.

So here are my new thoughts on scars - no, I still don't think chicks dig scars on their own bodies, but every scar tells a story of survival. They are the pictures you have to tell your testimony. While they can be reminders of extreme pain that you went through, they also are reminders that you survived and are now thriving.

Here are some of my scar stories (as I wrote this list I noticed that all of my scars are on my left side - strange!)
- I have a scar on my forehead near my left eye from when I had chicken poxs as a toddler. I must have really scratched that area.
-I have a line in the middle of my left arm when I burned myself on the oven trying to pull out some pizza when I was in middle school. It's hard to see this one in the summer as I tan.
-I've told you about the scar on my back from the psycho beach tent
-I have two small scars on my face (on in between my eyes and one just to the side of my left eye) that happened when I fainted in the bathroom right before I had my second surgery to put my skull back together. Those two are easily covered up with make-up

And then there are the two scars that started the original blog and I think tell the most dramatic story of my life

The first is the U-shaped scar on my left side of my head. This is where, on the early morning of Sept. 18, 2011, a team of amazing surgeon performed brain surgery to release pressure on my swelling brain to save my life.

Luckily, I have very think and fast-growing hair so the scar isn't noticeable. It took me while to even find an old picture where you can see it. You can kind of see it in the below picture that was taken probably a week after I got home from the hospital. I'm napping with my sweet little nephew, Tripp - who will turn one in August!!!

And then there is the "Frankenstein" looking scar on the left side of the stomach. This is where, in an amazing testimony to today's technology, those doctors stored the piece of skull flab they removed to help relieve pressure on my brain. Yes, I walked around with a portion of my skull in my stomach for about six months. No photos of this one, but I did strut around the beach in a bikini in April showing off my scar with pride!

Amazingly, both of those scars were reopened in February to put my skull piece back to where it belongs after my brain had healed. So in a way they are two-for-one scars.

I was angry when I wrote the first blog because I thought these scars were ugly. But now I have other ideas. These two scars remind me of those brilliant surgeons, and how through it all, they were always all at the right place at the right time to save my life (a couple of times). They remind me of the hundreds of people who were interceding on my behalf, calling out to God and praying without ceasing for his healing hand to come to my rescue. It reminds me of the crazy journey I went on the last year, and in some ways are still on. And they remind me that I have a testimony to share - a testimony of healing, a testimony of faith, a testimony of love, a testimony of overcoming fear, a testimony of the power of prayer, and testimony of how my body failed me many times the last year, but God never did.

So while I wish I didn't have all the scars on my body - I do realize the purpose they play and the stories they tell.

From Surviving to Thriving - Summer Camp 2012

I just got home from spending the past week in Covington, GA being a counselor for my church's youth camp. I have a sentimental attachment to this camp for so many reasons that I wont' go into in this blog - the most important reason being as a rising 7th grade girl I walked down the aisle of Mobley Hall to the altar to ask Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I grew up going to this camp, and have been a counselor since graduating high school. For the last 5 years, I've been with the same group of girls who are now rising 11th grades. 

What few people know though is this year I had a lot of anxiety and fear about returning to camp. It's hard to think I was in that place - the speaker, Mark Fritchman, was my high school youth pastor; his wife was my small group leader; I love spending time with my girls; we had a great theme of "Hunger Games" planned for our cabin. On the outside I was super excited about camp this year - but internally I was wrestling with should I really go to camp this year.

If you've been reading this blog then you know my story - how I have battled with major health issues the last two years. Shortly after Summer Camp 2010 I got sick - with the "great" food at camp, we thought I was just reacting to the food. What we didn't know until I was admitted into the hospital for over a week in August 2010 was that I have Crohn's disease. My doctor said I the Crohn's disease was likely dormant for years, but the food and stress of camp likely triggered my first major Crohn's flare up.

Prior to Summer Camp 2011, I was determined to not deal with the same food issues. So I packed up a lot of food that I could survive off of if the food in the cafeteria wasn't a good choice. I will tell you that I remember having a great time at camp - the speaker was awesome, God did great things in the lives of my girls, we all had lots of fun. But little did I know the biggest test of my life was right around the corner. For those that don't know - I went into the hospital for a Crohn's flare up, then after being home for less than 24 hours, my parents took me back to the hospital on Sept. 18 and it was determined I had a stroke. And then I went from improving to needing emergency brain surgery to remove part of my skull on Sept. 25.

The last 10 months I've been dealing with recovering from stroke (which included putting the skull piece back on my head in Feb.) and also trying to get the Crohn's disease under control. As you saw from my last blog I have finally agreed to my doctor's recommendation to go on Remicade - I have my third infusion on Monday. And while I've been dealing with horrible physical roller coaster, emotionally and spiritually I have been through it all.

So while I was excited on the outside - I was scared on the inside. I was terrified that something health related would come up at camp - Crohn's flare up, major headaches/migraines, total exhaustion. But I can tell you that I was great health all week!!!!! I did a great job of listening to my body - so when I needed to rest I did, and when I felt like to could run with my girls (like defending our flag from all those rising-college men in the sock war)

I think part of this is that I changed my thoughts on my fear - with the help of Pastor Terry. I talked with him before camp and knew that the thoughts I was thinking were not from the Lord, but were meant to hinder me from doing what I was called to do - minister my 11th grade ladies.

My passion has been working with these girls for the past 5 years. Mark talked a lot about having a passion and purpose this week. "If you'll give God your passion, he's going to give you his pace," and "When your passion meets your ability, and when your experience meets an opportunity; you'll have impact and find your purpose." While camp is suppose to be for the students - I did get some great encouragement and confirmation that I was suppose to be at camp - no doubt.

The last 10 months, or really two years, I've been trying to survive all the health issues that have been thrown at me. Now, I'm determined to do more than just that - I'm going to THRIVE!!!!

Here is a list of a few highlights from camp:

-11th grade guys and girls winning the Sock War and Overall cabin competition

-Dancing the "Interlude" at 1 a.m. with my girls in the cabin

-Getting to know tons of new campers and counselors

-Attending the "sunbathing" leisure activity for 4 days straight

-Heckling the "Aqua Dancing" instructor while laying out at "sunbathing"

-Spending the week with my youth pastor and small group leader

-Decorating the camp with a Hunger Games theme

-Hearing my co-leader take the Hunger Games and use it to minister to our girls ("I volunteer as tribute," friendship, "Girl on Fire")

-Using my mistakes in dating to encourage and advise my girls to make better choices

-Praying for my girls that they would be filled with the Holy Spirit

-Worshipping  God without fear

-Going from surviving to thriving

Crohn's update - and the only update I'll offer

One thing I hate talking about is my struggle with Crohn's disease. Diagnosed in August 2010, it's been an up and down battle of different medicines, treatments and symptoms. Part of the reason I hate to talk about it is because it's not a very "glamours" disease to talk about. For those that really know the disease, it involves issues with your digestive system which leads to extra trips to the bathroom. Another reason I hate to talk about it is it seems that everyone knows someone who is related to someone who has Crohn's and they'd love to match us up so that we can further talk about this annoying disease. But for those of us that actually have Crohn's, you know that everyone's disease is a little different - what works for me might not work for you, and what triggers my Crohn's (dairy and stress) aren't big triggers for you.

So I'm writing today's blog to give an update on my Crohn's, but I'm doing it with some rules. This is all I really want to say on it - sorry if I seem rude, but I don't really want to answer any questions or hear about your own Crohn's story. I don't want this disease to own or define me. It's only a small piece of my life!

Anyway, as of today I am officially taking Remicade to deal with Crohn's disease. Remicade is a biologic infusion that I will have to take about every month from now on. I've had a lot of reservations in taking it, but at this point it's really my only option. All of the other drugs aren't strong enough, and I'm on a large perscription on prednisone which isn't a great option. My biggest reservations have to do with some of the side effects - which are more prevelant in people my age. The big one is cancer, but it is also not a good drug to take when considering getting pregnant (not something I'm looking to do right  now - but it's definitely one of my life dreams.)

This all started about 2 weeks ago when I went into my Crohn's doctor for a test and he found that the Crohn's was flairing up. We started talking about moving to a biologic - the first option wasn't available due to insurance. As my doctors team was working out the insurance issues, I continued to get worse and worse, until I got to where I couldn't hold down any food and was experiencing constant cramping. I went to the ER on Friday and got some meds to help with the pain - but by Sunday morning, my doctored adviced me to come back in to be admitted. Once admitteed, he got the ball rolling to start the Remicade.

So far the Remicade has been fine - but I've only bee on it for a couple of hours.It looks like I'm going to get to come home on Wednesday, and hopefully the Remicade will deal with the extreme cramping.

What lies ahead with my Crohn's? I am in the process of trying to find another opinion. While I like my doctor, I'd still like to get another doctor's opinion. Other than that, I don't know and don't have any answers to it.

Sorry if I seems like I'm being vague or tight-lipped about my Crohn's. As I said early, I don't want this disease to define me, and this is one way I can fight and win that battle. I hope you understand and respect that.

Election day - the great HAIR debate

I can remember only two times in my life that I've cried really hard over what my hair looked like.

The first was in kindergarten. This was during a time when my favorite thing to say was "No brush, no bows." I can't remember where my mom was, she might have been out of town, but it was my dad's job to get me ready for school. What I do remember is getting to school and going straight to my teacher in tears, crying out - "Just look at what my daddy did to my hair." Apparently his efforts of putting my hair in pig-tails wasn't very good, and it cause me to cry. My parents still laugh about this story.

The second time was last fall. During this time my parents and doctors were slowing telling me about the ordeal I had been through. It felt like I would get little pieces at a time. But my dad was the one to tell me that they had to shave part of my hair to do the surgery - and that because it was an emergency surgery, it wasn't a good hair cut. Although I didn't have my voice back yet, I do remember slowly reaching up to touch my head on the right and feel the long, wavy strands of hair. And then I tracked over my left side, and felt the brittle pieces of shaved hair. Tears slowly streamed down my face. I think part of my tears was this was the first thing I was actually able to comprehend. A lot of what I was being told seemed like a dream - stroke, brain surgery, removing part of my skull - it didn't seem real. But actually feeling my hair made it a reality.

A few days later my hair dresser came to see me. I cried and begged for her to cut my hair to make it look better - but because I was still in the ICU she said I needed to wait. Mom took me to her house the day after I got out of the hospital to even it out. And I went back to her in March to get it cut again - my hair grows very quickly, is think, and has crazy curls in it.

Besides "how are you feeling?" the question I get most these days is "Are you going to keep your hair short?" Apparently my new hairstyle is something everyone wants to talk about and give me advice for. I don't really have an answer to what I'm going to do. I have two feelings about it:

1. I look at myself in the minor and see a new person. And the haircut is sometimes a reminder of what I've been through these last few months. It wasn't a decision I made - it was made for me in an effort to save my life.

2. Having really short hair makes it really easy to get ready in the morning

I know I'm definitely going to keep it short for awhile - it gets too-stinkin' hot here. But I don't know what's next. So I've decided to let my friends and family decided. Below are two pictures - one is my long hair style, and the other is of me with short hair on Easter. Let me know which one you think.

Long Hair : (This is from when my best-friend Elise and I went to Hawaii)

Short hair: (This is from Easter)

I can't wait to see the results!!!

My God's not dead, he's surely alive!!!

Happy Easter - I hope everyone had a great day recognizing one of the most amazing moments in history - when Jesus rose from the dead.

I've had the opportunity to spend Easter in several locations through my life - one year I was in Spain and saw the breath-taking processionals from the churches in Madrid. And last year I was in Hawaii and got to sit on the beach, admiring God's fantastic creation at a sunrise service.

This year didn't have anything major to make it special - but I can honestly say it was probably one of my favorites.

My title to today's blog comes from the worship song, "Like a Lion." The song has taken off in the contemporary Christian charts, but it was written by my church's worship pastor - Daniel Bashta. As we were singing this song today, that line meant more to me than the hundreds of times I've heard that song.

Since this whole ordeal started with my health, through it all my mom has consistently said to me: "Your body might have failed you, but God never did." Even those times when I cried out to God with frustrations, anger, unanswered questions - he was always there by my side.  Even sending angels to surround my bed as an answer to my mother's prayer. And while I had a team of terrific doctors who did everything within their power to make me better - it was God, responding to the countless prayers lifted up for me from family, friends and strangers that have me where I am today.

Singing those lines about God being alive and roaring like a lion just reminded me that he is alway there, and he will fight for us, not against us.

So, as we celebrate the greatest day in history, I am so thankful that Jesus is alive. Because he has not only saved me spiritually, but he roared like a lion to save me physically. Thank you!