I've been thinking about how I wanted to write this blog for several weeks. Today, as I drove from UW campaign rally to campaign rally, my mind would drift to how I wanted to write today's blog. A lot went through my mind, and some tears were shed, both happy and sad. I'm writing this after getting home from a walk in the nearby park with my dog. Amazing how a walk in the rain will help break writers block.
The reason I wanted to write something today is a year ago, Sept. 18, 2011, I was laying in an operating room at Kennestone Hospital and amazing doctors were fighting to save my life. The basic story was one of the veins in my brain had a clot which caused my brain to swell. To save my life, doctors removed part of my skull and placed it in my stomach for about 6 months while the swelling went down. This surgery was a week after I suffered from a stroke at the age of 26.
How do you put into words what has transpired a year ago today?
Shock - Who has a stoke at age 26? Who walks around with a part of their skull in their stomach for six months? Who goes from being fairly healthy to fighting for her life?
Pain - Surgery, tests, physical therapy, headaches, medicines...
Confusion - Why did this happen? What does my future look like? Will I ever have my life back?
Depression - Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to basically rebuild/relearn my life?
Instead of dwelling on these thoughts, I'd rather talk about the positives that have happened in my life since those brave doctors made the choices they needed to on Sept. 18, 2011.
-Tripp: I'll start with my 1-year old nephew Tripp (or as I love to call him Bud-Bud) Tripp is basically the best medicine a person could ever get. Running around with this lil guy is the best thing in the world. I've been able to watch him go from a small baby who loved to cuddle with me while I recovered, to a extremely energetic lil boy who loves to play chase. And he is the sweetest thing - nothing bets him seating in my lap as we read "If I were a dinosaur" for the 28+ time that day
-Love: I have felt such an outpouring of love this last year that sometimes I cry tears of joy just thinking about how much love has been poured out on me and my family. From those who brought food for my family, to those who sat with me while I vented or cried, I can't even begin to list all the examples of love I've felt this past year
-Prayer: I've always believed in the power of prayer, but I've been use to asking my close friends/families to pray for a certain issues. Never in my life have I had entire churches, people across the country and people in other countries interceding on my behalf to God asking for my healing. I still meet what some would call strangers, I call angels, who tell me they prayed and are still praying for my full healing.
-Trust: Through this experience, I went from a very independent lady to at times, totally dependent on family, friends and doctors. I've learned that I can't do everything on my own. Sometimes you need someone to hold your hand, push you to get out of the bed and do your physical therapy (Elise!) and make the best medical decisions that are needed.
-Laughter: There has been a lot of tears this last year, but there has been a lot of laughter - from dancing the "Interlude" late at night at summer camp with my 11th grade girls, to going on a girls trip with my mom and sister-in-law to Charleston, SC.
Beauty - One of the first things I remember after surgery is my dad telling me about how half my head had been shaved for the surgery. I lightly felt down the right side of my hair and felt my long curls, and then down my left side to find short, shaved hair. As I'm watching my hair grow out now, I'm enjoying the simplicity of it. While I cried at first, I know enjoy it.
Family - I have always loved my family, now I LOVE my family. I don't know how many sleepless nights my parents went through the last year, the hours my brothers spent in my hospital room or the cards, phone calls and texts my family sent to encourage me the last year, but I value every ounce of it. I wouldn't replace my family for anything.
Faith - To say this last year has been easy would be a lie. To say my faith wasn't tested would too. I never lost my faith in God - but I sure questioned Him, his plan for me and why this all happened. I've mostly stopped asking "why?," although if I'm honest, I'd admit that there are times when its dark and I'm lying in bed I still wonder "why?" My new question to God is "What?" What is God's plan for me in all of this? What does God want to me to learn from what? What does God have next for me? I've found it's a relief for ask "What?" instead of "Why?" Many times the "Why?" will never be answered, but the "What?"will make my faith grow.
Each week a new piece of my life returns - Isabelle coming back to Marietta after living with my brother in Birmingham for a few months, my skull being put back into place, fewer and fewer pills taken each day, moving back into my own home, returning to the youth group at Riverstone to mentor to my 11th grade girls, being a counselor at Summer Camp, going back to work full time (and now taking on six of United Way's top accounts), going to watch Auburn football at Jordan-Hare stadium - just to name a few.
I will always have the scars to remind me what happened a year ago. But as I've said in an earlier blog, my scars are pictures to tell my story. While I wished this never happened to me, I can find comfort in all the good that has come out of this.
The only thing I have left to say is THANK YOU to everyone who has played a part in my recovery. You are all my guardian angels!!!!
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