So long 2011...

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m getting ready to go watch my Auburn Tigers take on the University of Virginia at the Chick-fil-a Bowl in Atlanta. I’m hoping that 2011 will end on a high note. For me personally, this year started off as a year filled with extreme highs, but unfortunately it ended with extreme lows.

Lets start with the good stuff – a glass half full mentality.

The year started off with a trip to Arizona to watch Auburn win a National Championship. As a life long Auburn fan, it was a special moment to be part off – especially since we flew out to Arizona without tickets yet got face value club level seats from will-call right at the game started. Thank you January snowstorm that forced many Auburn fans to stay stuck in the south!

The next big highlight was a trip to Hawaii with my best friend Elise in April. We hung out with her cousin, visited Pearl Harbor and sat on the beach for hours ready books. It was probably the most relaxing vacation I’ve ever been on in my life.

A countless highlight of my year was watching my friends get married. I’m not quite sure how many weddings I went to this year – but it was awesome to watch my guy friends stand at the end of the aisle and watch their lovely wife walk down the aisle, or see the huge smile on my girl friends faces as they walked down the aisle in their beautiful dresses toward their husbands. Congrats to all of them!

And probably the biggest highlight of the year was the birth of my nephew – Clark Franklin Hungerford III, known as Tripp. His life started on a low note as he was born 6 weeks pre-mature and spent about 2 weeks in the NICU. But now he’s doing great, and is loved so much by his “Auntie.” Just writing about him makes me smile.

Now to the extreme low of my year – the biggest fight of my life. Better said – a fight to stay alive.

After a brief stay in the hospital due to a Crohn’s flare-up in early September, I quickly returned to the hospital after having a stroke. Why I had a stroke - no one knows. I spent almost a month in the hospital, and at one point had emergency brain surgery to remove a part of my skull (don’t worry – I still have it in save keeping in my stomach!).  The physical recovery has been slow but impressive. The emotional recovery has not – I still fall asleep asking God why or reliving everything I’ve been through. None of it makes sense, and my old life feels like it has slipped away forever.

But as I struggle every day because of this low – I know that I am surrounded by countless family, friends and strangers who are interceding on my behalf. They are the reason I’m fighting every day to keep improving!

So my goal is to end 2011 on a high note – an Auburn victory. And hopefully I’ll begin 2012 on a high note too. I meet with all three of my doctors the first week, and fingers crossed; we’ll be talking about a surgery date to but my skull on my head.

I’ll keep everyone posted on that. But until then, Happy New Year and War Eagle!!!!

My version of Grey's Anatomy

Many of you know that one of my favorite TV shows right now is Grey's Anatomy. Even with all the stuff I've been through recently, I still love the show. So I figured I would introduce all my doctors based on the Grey's Anatomy they're most like:

Let's start with my version of Dr. Izzie Stevens - that would be PA. Kim. She's the one that does my weekly finger prick to check my blood level. Despite the fact that my blood level has rarely stayed between 2-3 like they want it to, she always has a positive attitude. She's also extremely committed to making sure I'm taking the right level of blood thinner.

The second is Dr. George O'Malley  - that is Dr. Gould, who is the doctor that leads my blood thinner treatment (basically PA Kim's boss). Like George, Dr. Gould is pretty quite and calm when meeting with patients. His passion for medicine is revealed in his own way which he is honest with the patient. He shows a great commitment and respect to his patient. This is really comforting when much of what you're hearing may be overwhelming or confusing.

And then you have Dr. Miranda Bailey - this is Dr. M. Andrews. He technically not my doctor, but is a close family friend and is one of the hire-ups at Wellstar. On Grey's, when something needed to be done for a patient and doctors need to do their job, Dr. Bailey gets called in. And she makes things happen. Dr. Andrews was that person for me. He would check on me regularly and continues to follow up to make sure I'm on the right path.

And then we have a Dr. Christina Yang - who is my Chrons Dr. Ballard. Just as Christina is extremely committed to her specialty of cardiac on Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Ballard is committed to GI issues like Crohns. He is soooo smart, and he is also very open and honest about my Chrons disease and options to treat it. And while Christina is sometimes considered a robot, she does have a soft spot and is open to what the patient wants. So is Dr. Ballard.

The next one is Chief Richard Webber - that would be the lead doctor in all of this Dr. Hormes, a neurologist. He is the one that brings the team of doctors together to figure out the best treatment plan for me. He's also committed to figure out exactly what happened to me. When I was in the hospital, he would stop by my room almost every day, even days he wasn't working. He's discussed my case (not reveling my name though) at national conventions, and is interested in doing a case study on my ordeal to hopefully prevent this from happen to another young, healthy adult. Dr. Hormes is also so wise, and is willing to sit and answer any and all of my questions (even if they're silly, like when I asked if I could attend a friends wedding in St. Simons shortly after I was released from the hospital).

I also have a Dr. Lexie Grey - my general practitioner, Dr. K. Andrews. I've been seeing her for many years, and just like Lexie is, I'm pretty sure Dr. Andrews has a photographic memory. No matter what I come into her office with - fever, cold symptoms, stomach ache - she can almost diagnose you immediately with the symptoms you present.

And finally, I have a McDreamy (aka Derek Shepherd). Dr Hill, my neuro-surgeon (surprise, surprise), is quite an attractive doctor. And I really enjoy when I go see him. We kind of have a love/hate relationship, so we joke back and forth every time I have to go see him. In addition to his appearance connection with McDreamy, he is also medically like him too. He is committed to making the best decisions about when and how to do surgeries to benefit the patient. And he is willing to hold off or say no to surgery dates because he believes its the best for the patient. The only difference between the two is hair. Derek Shepherd has really attractive hair on the show - Dr. Hill on the other had gave me a horrible hair cut when he had to shave part of my hair for my emergency surgery. I've yet to let him live that down ;)

Hope you guys enjoyed this blog - and hopefully my doctors won't be upset with who I compared them too.

26 positives of the last year

With my 27th birthday being tomorrow, I figured I would write today's blog about all the positives that happened while I was 26. The last three months have been horrible with all my health issues, but there have been many positives so here it goes. They're in no specific order, except some really important ones are at the top :)

1. Birth of my first nephew Clark Franklin "Tripp" Hungerford on Aug. 9. After a short stay in the NICU, he's now a growing boy who loves his "Auntie"
2. Auburn football wins the National Championship in January. Even though we flew out to Arizona for the game without tickets, we were able to buy club level tickets for face value at will-call due to so many folks being stuck in Alabama/Georgia do to a snow storm
3. A week long trip to Hawaii with my best friend Elise in April. We were able to connect with her cousin and one of our missionary friends. It was such a relaxing vacation, and I loved exploring all the different beaches
4. My first snow white Christmas: We had a beautiful, snowy Christmas this year. It was beautiful and fun to play in
5. Summer Camp 2011 with my rising 9th grade girls at Riverstone
6. Adopting my first puppy - Isabelle. She is a pure bread English Springer Spaniel, and will be 8 months at the end of November. She is making writing this blog difficult as she keeps jumping in my lap as I type. She is still very much puppy!
7. Watching Auburn come back from a 24 point def. against Alabama to go onto the SEC Championship
8. Attending the 2010 SEC Championship
9. Being a bridesmaid in Erin Sutton's wedding in January
10. Attending the following other weddings: Kelli Kite, Kimberly Kite, Matt Stafford, David and Stayce Van Gorp
11. Being asked to chair the communications and technology day for the current Leadership Cobb class
12. Hanging out with my "lil boyfriend" Thomas Egan several times. He may be just over a year old, but I love that little guy
13. Meeting with my accountability group from church. It's always fun and supportive to get together with Maria, Elisa and Kimberly
14. Serving on the steering committee for the Cobb Chamber ACES program
15. Being a small group leader for my girls at Riverstone Church
16. Working with United Way as the Cobb Development officer and raising over $7 million to help those in need
17. Going on a trip to the outlet malls with Jessica A. and Elizabeth S. (we've planned a better strategy for our next trip)
18. Multiple trips to Dang Nails to get pedicures with my mom, sister-in-law and friends
19. Going to see the movie "The Help" with a group of girl friends and our moms. Great book and great movie
20. Several "Clique" get together with my girls from Auburn. Some were all four of us, others we're just part of the "Clique" but we stayed in touch
21. Spending a weekend with Elise to see her new place in Rome, GA followed by a Superbowl party at David and Stayce's house in Cartersville
22. Going to Clemson in April to attend the annual JLF Golf Tournament. My family let me play a little during the tournament
23. Hosting a baby shower for Jessica and my lil nephew Tripp
24. Attending a two Braves game. One in the upper deck with friends from church and one in the club level sweet with Gas South (it was a thank you event for non-profits)
25. Going on a short road trip to St. Simons with my mom
26. Finding out how fantastic my friends and family are as they've come to my support through these most recent challenge.

Now, here's to a great year of being 27!!!!

Delay of game leaves me disappointed, discouraged, upset and angry

I had hoped this blog would have been super positive. I thought it would be something to the effect of a surgery date has been set and my skull piece will be returned to my head shortly. Basically I was hoping that I would get the one and only thing I wanted for Christmas this year. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen.

For a while I thought the surgery would happen in early/mid December. I meet with my neurologist, who is the lead doctor of my three doctors, on Nov. 11 after having a MRI the week before. The short of that visit was he had decided to move to plan B: meaning he was going to keep me on the blood thinner for 6 months but thought it would be ok to temporarily take me off the blood thiner to have the surgery in December. The MRI showed that the swelling of my brain has gone down but the vein where the blood clot was still hasn't opened back up as much as the doctors wanted. Basically - the blood clot was there, but he was willing to talk to my surgeon and by the time Christmas got here, my skull would be back to how it should be.

We all got really encouraged when my surgeon's office called to set up an appointment to talk about my surgery on Wednesday. For the first time, I was excited to go to a doctors appointment and I was really encouraged that this recovery process would finally starting to speed up, meaning I was close to returning to my normal self.

Unfortunately that isn't what happened: instead of surgery coming soon, it's been delayed.

I love my surgeon - we kind of have a love/hate relationship that started when he did a horrible job shaving my hair before the first surgery. He says I shouldn't be too upset as that was emergency surgery and my hair style wasn't as important as them getting in quickly. And he knew what he was going to tell me was going to be disappointing and make me upset - but he said it was in my best interest.

Basically what he said was he does not fill comfortable performing the surgery until my vein opens up more and the clot is gone. Pretty much returning to plan A = 3 months from when I left the hospital. The surgery we're talking about is putting the skull piece they removed back where it belongs - and what's crazy is it's considered an "elective" surgery. My surgeon said some patients never have anything put back in their head, but he said because of my young age and active lifestyle, he suggested I go through with the surgery - but wait.

He is worry about doing the surgery so soon is he doesn't want to go ahead and do the surgery and then the clot gets big again. He said I've gone so far already, he would hate for me to have to basically start all over. He wants to meet with me again in six weeks, after I have another MRI (which they called to tell me the date while I was writing this), and then we'll set a date surgery date for January depending on the MRI.

Physically and medically I value my surgeon's reasoning for delaying the surgeon. He's the one who is ultimately responsible, and it makes medical sense. As my dad said, if we wait until my head is ready for the surgery we go from kicking the field goal to making the touchdown.

But personally and emotionally - I'm disappointed, discouraged, upset, angry and a couple more things that aren't appropriate to write in a blog. Sometimes I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. None of what happened and continues to happen to me makes any sense.

I have more questions than I do answers - both from my doctors and from God. I replay in my head everything that lead up to the stroke and what I can remember from my time at the hospital.

And while I haven't given up on God - my faith has totally be tested/challenged/questioned more than anything in my life. While I am surrounded by amazing friends and family - part of me feels very alone in all of this. While they all support, encourage and love me, I ultimately have to do this myself. And despite all my prayers, pleads and tears, talking with God is really hard right now. This whole thing just feels like the never ending story or a horrible nightmare I can't wake up from.

Everyone, including my doctors, say one day I'll be back to my normal self, just right now I'm not there yet - and my lack of patience doesn't help. One day I'll get there, but this delay of game is hard to take in right now.

With everything going on pregnancy and motherhood sound like a breeze

Ok before any rumors get started or my parents have a heart attach over this title - no I am not pregnant, trying to become pregnant or even thinking about having a kid anytime soon.

There is a two- part explanation to this headline.
1. My health issues and recovery covers the pregnancy part
2. My 7 month old puppy named Isabelle covers the motherhood part

Part 1:
As I've mentioned in several other blogs, one of the hardest thing for my recovery from the stroke and brain surgery is having a part of my skull in my stomach. It is completely uncomfortable because it moves; finding closes that actually and are comfortable is impossible; tons of people have asked to see my scare where my skull is hanging out and/or ask to touch it. As I tell this to my sister-in-law, who just gave birth in August to my nephew, she said a lot of what I'm experiencing reminders her of her pregnancy. And several people have suggested I look at maternity pants cause they'll fit the best - don't know if I'm willing to make that lead yet.

Another issues that people said relate to pregnant women is sleeping. I have always pretty much slept on my left side. It's how I like to sleep. Guess where my brain was cut open and where my skull piece is now living? If you guessed my left side then your correct. So now I try to sleep on my right side or my back (which I hate). Almost every morning I've woken up with my head slightly swollen again because at some point during the night I have rolled over onto my left side without realizing it. My sister-in-law has offered to let me borrow her pregnancy pillow so I don't roll over.

Those are the major items regarding part 1.

Now part 2 - motherhood
In May, I got a pure-bred English Spring Spaniel puppy I named Isabelle. She is a beautiful dog and is super sweet - when she wants to be. She is also very smart, very friendly very mischievous, very fast, very playful, very snuggly and we're pretty sure she's the alfa dog of her litter.

Prior to my health issues, I worked hard (including going to training at a pet place in east Cobb) on getting her potty trained and respondent to commands. After I went to the hospital, my younger brother Blake, took Isabelle to Birmingham with him. He kept Isabelle for about 2 months and really kept up the training with her. My dad and I went and picked Isabelle up about 2 weeks ago, as Blake is a law student and needed to start studying for finals. So I've been at my parents house since we picked her up since I still don't have the strength to keep her by myself.

Now she was good for a couple days we got her back - but now she is testing the limits and since this past Saturday has been a little puppy brat!
-She's taken a bit out of mom's dinner when she walked away from the table to get a napkin
-Popped inside the house countless times
-Chewed on shoes, pillows, blankets, trash, etc
-Jumps on everybody
-Tries to chew on people
-jumped up on top of the kitchen table
-drank out of the toilet
These are just of a few of the things she's done. Her most recent bratty thing is refusing to come back in the house when let out to play or go to the bathroom. One day this week, my dad was late to work because he couldn't get her inside. And this morning was horrible. While I was out there with her, she chased after 3 kids who were walking to the bus stop (which is 4 houses down from my parents), chased after 2 cars and just ran around through our neighbors yards. Every time I would get close to her, she would thin dart off, like we were playing a game of chase. After about 45 min., and using a treat as a distraction (I know that's wrong but it was freezing out side and I was exhausted), I was finally able to put a leash on her and get her inside. She spent 30 minutes in the bathroom, which is her new time-out spot. And for the next couple of days she's only allowed outside on her leash.

I feel like Isabelle is like a 2-year-old child - she can drive me nuts and make me so angry, but at the end of the day I love her.

So with everything involved in part one and part two of this blog, I really think pregnancy and motherhood sound like a breeze :)

 Here are two photos of Isabelle. The first is when I first got her and she was soo small. And then the second is a more recent photo:

A big prayer request on my upcoming MRI

Tonight's blog is really more of a prayer request than an update on how I'm doing. The reason is on Friday I am having an MRI and it can determine when I can have my next surgery to put my skull back on my head. And having that surgery is really all I want right now!!!!

My MRI is at 8:30 a.m. and will last about an hour. The test is really loud and could easily cause me to have a bad headache the rest of the day.

What I'm hoping with tomorrow's test is that it shows that the swelling of my brain has gone down, the clot on my brain is no longer bleeding and I can come off the blood thiner. My surgeon won't do the surgery to put my skull back where it belongs until I've been off the blood thiner for 2 weeks. He said he thinks the surgery will be after Christmas or first of the year. I'm hoping it will be my Christmas gift :)

Many of you have heard me complain about having part of my skull in my stomach. While it's kind of cool to know that my skull is chilling in my stomach - basically staying safe until they can put it back in my head. Having part of your skull in your stomach is sooo uncomfortable. It hurts, it moves all the time, it makes sitting still impossible, sleeping is difficult...I'm ready for my surgeon to put everything back to normal.

And I'm very nervous about tomorrow's MRI. I just fill like I've had a lot of bad luck recently, and I'm worried that my luck streak isn't going to improve anytime soon. I wonder how long I'm going to have to wait to have the surgery. Today, Thursday, I went to have my weekly finger prick so they can check my blood level. They typically want it to fall between 2-3. But the last two weeks it's dropped, with today's being a 1.6. Every time it drops they have to figure out a new dose of the blood thiner, and they can't figure out why it keeps dropping. I was hoping for a good results from my weekly finger prick, thinking it would calm me down about the MRI. But now I'm very anxious, nervous and worried about the MRI.

The test is tomorrow, Friday, but we won't meet with the doctor until Nov. 11. So I will have to wait at least a week to see if we're close to setting a date for the surgery. The surgery one of those big things in my long recovery and just setting a date seems impossible.

I know I'm learning a lot about patience right now, but that's not going so well. I really just want God to give me a break and answer my continuous question of why did all of this happen to me. People have constantly told me about how my experience will be a great testimony and God has great things in store for me because of this. But right now that is really hard to fully believe. I'm overwhelmed, angry, scared, hurting and just have more unanswered questions for God than answered ones. This is why I'm asking for your prayers for tomorrow's MRI. I feel like every time I take a step forward in recovery I take several steps back. And positive MRI results will help move me forward and hopefully turn my luck around.

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with my pants on the group

Random question: Have you ever had trouble finding pants that fit because they were squishing your skull? Well I have!!!

This week I started going back to the United Way office. This week I start with two days in the office and the rest of the week I'm working from home. The next following weeks, we are playing this by ear as to which days I work at the office and which days I work from home, depending on how I'm feeling, doctors visits and other things going on.

After wearing comfortable clothes the last few months - basically t-shirts and either shorts, work out shorts or long comfortable pants (depending on the weather) I needed to figure out some work close to wear.

I first needed to change out my clothes in my closet from my spring/summer wear to my fall/winter wear now that it's getting a little cold. That was my first issue. (that has slightly been done, since I'm still on steriods I get hot very easily)

But my other, bigger issues, is I have half of my skull chilling out in my stomach. When I had my emergency brain surgery, the surgeon put the skull he removed in my stomach for safe keeping. They will re-install my skull probably within the next two months - date of surgery is still to be determined and it all depends on how my recovery is going. Just to let you know, having part of your skull chilling in your stomach is the most annoying, uncomfortable thing ever!!!!! The skull likes to shift around, and it makes my stomach bigger.

Having part of my skull in my stomach has created this problem with finding pants and skirts to wear. I typically wear 6 or 8 size pants (depending on the store). I've worn jeans a couple times since I've been out of the hospital when I've gone out with friends, but I've had to wear my larger jeans (you know the ones you have for when you gain that extra weight - like during the holidays). They don't squish my skull. But since I lost so much weight after being in the hospital so long, they're too big on me (also all my belts are too big - and they put too much pressure on my stomach). So when I go out,  I spend the entire time pulling up my pants. They don't fall completely off,  but I could totally be a gangster as they slip down.

After trying on most of the pants that I thought would be work appropriate and comfortable that I already owned and none of them working, my mom and I decided to run out shopping and see what we could find. I didn't want to spend money on any really large pants that I could only wear for 2 months. We were looking for pants that actually fit and weren't squishing my skull.

But after trying on about 8 pairs of pants, we determined that having your skull in your stomach makes wearing paint impossible.

The only saving grace though is skirts with tights. They are work appropriate and comfortable enough to deal with the annoying skull in my stomach.

The long road to recovery has a lot of parts - and finding clothes is one of them.

Hope this blog made you laugh - cause yesterday's shopping experience totally made me laugh. :)

Workouts and weight gain - two keys to recovery

So beside all the medicine, doctor visits, therapist and finger pricks, there are two other things I must do every day on my road to recovery - workout with exercises from my physical therapists and gain weight. I know this sound totally opposite, but there is a method to the madness.

My physical therapists is a good friend of my sister-in-law, Jessica, who actually specializes in stroke victims. She came over to my house almost a week ago and did a lot of tests to see how I was recovering. She gave me a plan for each day so that I can get back to normal, and she also tested all of my muscle. Most of my muscles were good except my legs (my quads especially) because I was in a hospital bed for almost 4 weeks. After her assessment, she gave Jessica 7 different exercises that I should do every day to get my strength back. I should also go on lots of walks and only hold onto someone to help me walk if I really need it.

So the exercises I have to do each day don't seem to bad - they are different types of leg raises, kicks, pushing up on toes and squats. But they kick my butt. And to make the workouts more intense, my sister-in-law monitors them. Jessica is a personal trainer, very into working out including crossfit. I don't skip doing my exercises cause then I'll get in trouble with Jessica. Right now I have to do ever exercise 2 sets on each leg once a day. Starting soon Jessica is going to increase that to twice a day. I'm glad that I have Jessica kind of "training" me because I want to get back to normal soon and it's encouraging to have her push me so that I don't slack.

Until I have my skull put back in my head, my doctors don't want me doing any major exercises (like crossfit, lifting weights or getting on a treadmill), but I can go on walks. I live next door to a park so it's fun to go walking there (I went walking there yesterday with Elise). And once I get my puppy Isabelle back I talk her on walks there.

Ok so that's all about the workout stuff I'm doing. The other thing my doctors want me to do is gain more weight. When I left the hospital, I weighed 118 pounds. That was 2 pounds lighter than what my drivers license says (I never changed my drivers license from when I got it at 16). I got on the scale at my doctors visit on Monday and I now weigh 130, so I've gained 12 pounds, but the doctors would still like me to add a little more weight.

Luckily I have something helping me out. To help with my Crohns, I'm taking steriods right now. So I am hungry all the time and I can eat like a teenage boy. I'm craving hamburgers and fast food. I'm normally a pretty heathy eater, but the steriods have temporarily changed that. Plus I also have a major sweet tooth right now. Tons of people who have brought us dinner have also brought us desserts (we have cakes, cookies, cupcakes, candy). After I finish all my of exercises, I always reward myself with a dessert :) And to add to all the sweets, my great aunt is making me my own red velvet cake that she'll give me at our family reunion in November. It's my favorite cake ever, so she's making me one as a get well present.

The workouts and the weight gain are an interesting piece of my road to recovery, but they're worth it.

Just a random note to add to this blog: Thank you Jessica, Ruth Allen and Lauren for taking me to dinner last night. It was great to get out of the house and talk with you guys for a couple of hours. I felt like I could be honest with all of you and you guys provided a lot of encouragement! It's great that we're all supportive of each other!

My first road trip after my life started over again

With permission from all of my doctors, I spent Saturday and Sunday of this weekend in St. Simons to watch my good friend Kelli marry Luke. I was really concerned that I wouldn't be able to go, but the doctors cleared me as long as I had someone drive me there - flying is not a good thing for me to do until they replace the skull in my head.

I am soo thankful to my amazing mom who drove me to and from St. Simons, and didn't even go to the wedding herself. We had an great girls weekend though. We left early Saturday morning and got onto the island about noon. We ate a really good lunch of fried shrimp in the village and then went and checked out some of the cool stops. I was able to buy a couple of Christmas presents but I won't say what they are so they remain a surprise.

The wedding was at 4 p.m. and my mom drove me there, and then I met up with the 3 girls I was originally suppose to go to the wedding with - Jessica A., Elisa T., Maria H. These three ladies were amazing. My dad had given Elisa and Maria a long talking to about a week before the wedding to make sure they new how they needed to take care of me at the wedding and keep me safe. And they followed through with their promise to my dad. The three of them were like my personal body guards. The ceremony was outside and it was a little walk from the parking lot. The first part of the path was off road, and when we got there one of the groomsman told us to be careful cause it was a little slippery. So to get me down safely, Jessica went in front of me, Elisa went behind me and Maria was next to me so I could hold onto her and get down without slipping. They three of them did things like that all night so that I wouldn't get hit or pushed on accident. Thank you ladies so much.

I also talked to a lot of folks that night who have been wanting to hear how I was doing and see me for awhile. It is so encouraging that I have so many people who have been praying for me and have been encouraged by how I am recovering from this awful situation. I had several folks say while they hate that something this horrible has happened to me, they believe I am strong enough to make it through and will be a great testimony for many people. 

On Sunday morning, mom and I meet the girls for breakfast and filled her in on all the stuff from the wedding, and then we all went and walked the beach a little bit before we all headed home. It was a good little vacation out of town!

The funniest thing from the wedding is I think some folks are confused about the piece of skull in my stomach. Some people think it's part of my brain - nope not right. And others are wondering if the skull is doing something special in my stomach, like healing something. I just told them that basically no, the piece of skull is just chilling out in my stomach. But to be honest, it is the most uncomfortable thing ever. It shifts all the time - like after the wedding and a 6 hour car ride home it had fallen really low on my hip, which was really uncomfortable. And figuring out clothes to wear is difficult. I lost a lot of weight being in the hospital for so long. So finding pants to wear is difficult. I had to try on 3 different jeans today because the ones that fit the best were too tight on my skull. So the pants I ended up wearing were a little too big and kept falling down.

I did go see my surgeon (the one that will put my skull back in) this morning for a follow up visit. A couple of the news he gave me this morning made me a little depressed. He is thinking it will be 2 months  before he'll put my skull back in (depending on what my neurologist says and when I come off one of my meds). So this means it'll be after Christmas or first of next year. So 2 more months with the annoying skull in my stomach. And I asked him about why every so often my head where he did the surgery gets really tight and hurts a lot (it hurt really bad and was super tight on Sunday.) He said that's basically normal and is just part of the healing process.

So there are good days and bad days with this recovery. I've been told by many people (doctors, therapist, and more) that this healing process will take time. I'm ready to be back to my normal self so sometimes I get a little upset to be reminded that I'll be the normal Ashley again, just not as soon as I want. God and I are talking about this a lot because patience is something I've never been good at. And hopefully one day I'll look back on this whole disaster and thank God for everything I've learned. Right now I'm just ready for it to be over.

Good news, good news, good news - The best day of recovery

So most of you know most of what I’m going to say in today’s blog cause I sent out about 100 text messages of my good news, but I’m going to write it all out today.

Thursday was probably my best day since all this hell happened and I got so much good news I was overwhelmed (and I actually stayed up til 10 p.m. for the first time)

I had my first follow up visit my neurologist, Dr. Hormes. I also had a second doctor visit where I had to get my finger pricked for like the 2,000 time, but my level was so good I don’t have to go back until next Thursday (originally I had to go back on Monday).

So the first part of Thursday I got to do my favorite therapy, which was babysitting Tripp, my 2-month nephew. My sister in law, Jessica, had some things she needed to get done, so I took care of Tripp for like 2 hours. I love that little boy and he loves me. I’m the only person he doesn’t get really fussy with, he’s never vomits on me and we’ll just have all sorts of conversations, which he won’t do for other folks (his parents are really jealous). I sang to him a lot (the new song I sang to him was the Itzy Bitsy Spider) and I also did the whole “I’m going to steal your nose.” He laughed and smiled every time I did that – here is a picture of that. We also snuggled us for a while – he’s a huge snuggler! He’s getting so much fun – every time I see him he’s getting bigger and bigger and is learning new things. He’s going to be such a smart boy!

I also did my exercises that Jessica’s friend who is a physical therapist laid out for me. Jessica is a personal trainer so she made sure I was doing everything right. Most of my exercises are for my legs that got really weak from me lying in a hospital bed for so long. But now I’m walking really well and getting up and down stairs pretty easily. Soon I’ll be walking Kennesaw Mountain again J

Then at 11 I had my big appointment with Dr. Hormes. I had about 4 really important questions I needed to ask him and hoped he said yes to all of him. And good news, good news, good news he did.

The first question I asked was could I go to my friend Kelli Kite’s wedding on Saturday in St. Simons. I had already bought my dress, shoes and hat cause I wanted to go so bad. He said he saw no reason why I shouldn’t go. J Originally I was suppose to go with 3 of my good friends, but now my parents are going with me just to be on the safe side. But they are letting me go to the wedding with my friends and they’ll do something else that afternoon (probably watch Auburn play LSU, which won’t be a very pretty game).

My second question was could he help get me out of jury duty. I got called for jury duty about 2 days after I got home from the hospital. I have never been called for jury duty before and couldn’t believe I was called now. Dr. Hormes that it was stupid I got called so he signed the sheet saying I wasn’t able to do jury duty. I would have been a horrible jury, but it could have been funny.

My third question was how much longer did I need to be watched 24/7. Since I’ve been home I had to have someone watch me 24/7. Mainly that is just to make sure I don’t fall down because half my skull is in my stomach. And while I so thankful to the amazing people who have volunteered to come hang out with me, it’s getting a little bit old. I’ve a very independent person (I live by myself and love it) and would just love some alone time. He said I could stop having someone watch me 24/7 pretty much any time. My parents and I talked and they’ll make sure I’m covered this week, but starting next week they slowly start giving me periods of time where I can be alone!!!! It’s not that I’m happy to kick people out of my house, but I’m just really excited to have some of my normal routine back!

My fourth question was when I could go back to work. My HR department won’t let me start working again, even from home, until I get approval from my doctor. Dr. Hormes thought it would be great if I went back to work sooner than later. So, next week I can work part time from home. And then starting the following week I can start working part time from the office. I’m really excited to get back in the swing of things at United Way. I hate that I’ve missed most of campaign season, but I know some amazing folks have filled in for me. I am so grateful to them. I’ll have to have people drive me to and from the office for a couple weeks because it will be at least 3 more weeks before I can start driving again. But I do have a handicap-parking pass which folks are jealous of J

And my last question (and probably the most important) was when are they going to put my skull back in my head. Having part of my skull in my stomach has been the most uncomfortable thing ever!!!!!! The skull shifts all the time. And it is so uncomfortable to ride in a car because of the bumps and the seatbelt pushing on it since the skull is on my left hip. I have an MRI scheduled the morning Nov. 4 to see if I can come of cumodine (they won’t do the surgery until I stop taking that medicine). So a lot of it depends on what the MRI says. But Dr. Hormes thinks I will get a good report since the last two times they’ve stapped my fingers to check how the cumodine was doing it was at the right level. So he thinks I’ll have my second surgery to put my skull back in will be in 5 weeks (which is actually thanksgiving and right after my bday). So I’m really excited to get that taken care of. They have to shave the left side of my head again cause they’ll use the same scare to put things in, but it will be covered up pretty quickly because my hair grows pretty quickly. And they’ll use the same scare on my stomach to pull my skull out of its resting place. I don’t like that scare cause you can see it, but one of my friends said she’ll give me the contact information for a plastic surgeon who can fix it so it’s not visible. That might be my Christmas present. We’ll see.

Dr. Hormes also wants to do a new study with me as the basis. They have still yet to figure out why things were not caught sooner than they were and why a pretty healthy and active 26 year old had a stroke, needed to have emergency brain surgery and was literally at deaths door. And he’s been so amazing at how well I’ve been recovering. So now I’ll be famous in the medical world J

So Thursday was a very good day. Thank you so much to all of you who have continued to pray for me. Our family has been so blessed by so many people and we will be so thankful to you guys for the rest of our lives. I know I think I’ve gone through hell, but so has my family. I mean my parents almost lost their only daughter. They’re trying to get through all of this, plus keep up with their work. We’re all so tired by the end of the day, so I think a trip to St. Simons will be good for all of us. Just to get away for a few days will be good.

Sorry this was another long blog, but there was a lot to update. Plus I didn’t get to write one yesterday morning cause I was busy playing with Tripp J

Chicks don’t dig scares

So there is a saying from a movie (I can’t remember which one) that chicks dig scares. That might be true if a guy has a scare, but a girl having a scare isn’t fun. At least that is what I think.

I now have 2 scares on my body from my whole ordeal at the hospital. I have a big one on the left side of my heat where they removed part of my skull for my emergency brain surgery. It won’t be as visible though because my hair grows back very quickly. Right now my hair is super short – I cut it all off. When I was in the hospital the surgeon only cut the left side of my hair so I had about 12 inches on the right side of my hair. But the Saturday after I got home from the hospital I went to my hair dresser to get it all cut off. I miss my long curly hair, but tons of people have told me they love my short hair. I’ve also started wearing a lot of hats now to help cover up my scare – I’ve never been a big hat person, but now I’ve started wearing them. I went to Charming Charlies at the West Cobb Avenues this week and bought several new hats.

The scare I’m the least bit excited about is the one on my stomach. It’s about 3 inches long and is on my left side. That is where part of my skull is living right now. I’ll find out on Monday when the doctor might consider putting my skull back in my head. The reason I don’t like that scare is too reasons. One is it really is uncomfortable. My skull keeps shifting so it really annoying. Riding in a car hurts a lot cause the seatbelt pushes on it. So I’ve figured out how to lean back like a gangster so it doesn’t hurt so bad. And then the other reason I don’t like it is I don’t like that I will now have a permanent visible scare on my stomach. Its very big and I can really notice it. My parents tell me it will fade away and not be as prominent, but I notice it all the time. If I wear a bathing suit it is noticeable. Its something I never thought I would have.

Hopefully on Monday the surgeon will tell me when they’re put my skull back in my head. I have to spend the night at the hospital again, but the doctor says its basically an out patient surgery. But they’ll have to open up both scares again and I’ll have to have more staples put in my scares (really cute I know).

So I don’t aggress with the saying that chicks dig scares now that I have two permanent big scares. But I guess it better to have scares and be alive. That’s the positive.

The best medicine is spending the day with your best friend

So Monday was a great day because I got to spend the day with my best friend Elise Nichols. She is an amazing friend that I can't say thank you enough to. For the next couple of weeks I'm not allowed to be left alone at all (which is really annoying), but it was great to have Elise stay with me on Monday cause she treated me like I was normal. I miss my independence.

She helped me write my blog from yesterday because a lot of what happened to me I don't even remember or understand. Plus my spelling isn't as well right now so she spell-checked everything :). Then we watched the movie "Something Borrowed." We had both read the book the movie was based on, and the movie was pretty good.

Then I had her help me with a couple things. First she helped me pick out a dress for Kelli Kite's wedding in St. Simons. I learn on Thursday from my doctor if I'm allowed to go (fingers crossed). And then we went out to the Avenues in west Cobb to go shopping at Charming Charlies. I needed to get a hat because the wedding is outdoors. I ended up getting 3 hats and 2 purses - it was hard to figure out which one I really wanted so I got them all. I've never been a big hat person, but now that I have supper short hair I sometimes have to wear hats so that my head has more coverage. I miss my long curly hair, but having short hair makes it very easy to get ready in the morning. It takes like 2 minutes to dry after I get out of the shower. I just changed out my purse to one of my new ones and found about 4 rubberbands in my old purse that I don't even need anymore.

After spending tons of money at Charming Charlie Elise and I went to Chilli's for lunch. That is one of our favorite places to eat, and they have really good strawberry lemonade. I treated her to lunch since she was helping to take care of me. We also had dessert and the waitress told us about their seasonal  red velvet dessert. It was soooooo good - if you eat at Chilli's anytime soon you should try it!

Elise and I also planned our next big trip. This April we went and spent 10 days in Hawaii, and we've always said our next vacation will be to Greece. We've decided to go when we both turn 30, which is in just over 3 years. Both of us are a little short on vacation and it would be a great 30th bday trip.

After we got home from running errands I had to put up all the dishes in the dishwasher (my physical trainer has given me chores like I'm a teenager to help get my body back to work - today I have to do laundry). And then I took a nap and she read her book. But it was just a great time to spend the day with my best friend. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, and I was able to just be honest with her and tell her how I was feeling. I thank God so much that I have such a special friend!!!!!

A new life - God gave me a second opportunity at life

So I haven't posted a blog is a long time - April was my last post. I got a puppy in March and life was going pretty well since then. Summer camp in July was awesome and then my brother and sister in law had their first baby, Tripp, in August. But my world turned upside down and inside out in Sept.  I've been encouraged to start writing my blog again to help in the recovery. So here it goes:

On the  night of Sept. 13, I went to the ER at Kennestone hospital with my mom because I was having a Crohn's episode. I was diagnosed with Crohn's August 2010 and had it pretty under control, but it flaired up again this Sept. I had a colonoscopy and was at the hospital until Sept. 17. That night I had a horrible headache and by the next morning it was really bad. At first my parents just thought it was a migraine headache, but by Sunday night they new something was wrong because I couldn't remember anything including who I was or who they where. So they rushed me back to the hospital (even though I didn't want to go). After a horrible experience in the ER (we spent 3 hours in the waiting room), I finally got seen by a doctor who discovered that I had a stroke. They moved me up to the ICU where I stayed for a couple of days. I then got moved up to the 7th floor and on Saturday night Sept. 24 my mom started calling all the nurses cause I was in a lot of pain, I kept throwing up. I don't remember a lot of the things that happened next but my parents have tried to tell me some things.

Apparently on Sunday Sept. 25 two doctors took me into emergency surgery to remove part of my skull because my brain was swelling. (now I have part of my scull in my stomach and hope to have it put back in my head in the next few weeks). I was then intubated for 2 days and my mom says they had me on the same medicine that Michael Jackson was addicted too. I was finally pulled off the ventilator after about 2 days and stayed in the ICU for over 2 weeks. I had some really amazing nurses that I loved and they were so helpful. For a couple of days I couldn't talk so I would just respond to questions with my fingers. But I eventually started to whisper. My parents spent the whole time with me - they alternated spending the night. And my little brother Blake celebrated his birthday with me in ICU. That was all he wanted for his bday. My older brother Franklin would also come visit me a lot, but he wasn't allowed to bring Tripp, which made me sad.

I was finally moved to a step down room on Monday Oct. 10 and they finally took out my NG tube out of my nose on Wed. 12 (that thing was really annoying).  Once I got to the step down room I got to wear real clothes instead of silly hospital gowns. That was really nice. And I started eating more food (except hospital food is not very good so my parents would bring me food). They also tried to make me drink a lot of ensure and boost but I refused to drink that saying it was old people food.

On Friday Oct. 14 I got to go home from the hospital. One of my doctors (I now have 4) came and removed all the staples from my head and stomach (I didn't like that at all and I have to have more staples put in my head and stomach when they put my skull back in). And then I had a new nurse take the picc line out of my arm (a picc line is a large IV that goes all the way to your heart - I didn't know it was that big until she pulled it out). After the new nurse pulled the picc line I had to lay flat while she applied pressure for 30 minutes. I then got to leave the hospital about 20 minutes later. My mom and I left the hospital and went to my house (my parents are staying with me because I can't be left alone at all and they're getting the floors redone at their house after it was damaged during a storm this summer). I was sitting on the couch while my mom was unloading the car and about 20 minutes after we'd been home, I look down at where my picc line was and noticed it was bleeding. I called my mom and started crying. She grabbed some towels and started putting pressure on my arm and gave me my phone to call 911.  My dad got to my house about 5 minutes later and walked in and saw mom putting pressure on my arm and talking to Marietta 911. They then arrived about 2 minutes after that (and they were very cute!) They came in and helped my mom get my arm to stop bleeding and kept asking me if I wanted to go back to the hospital. I said no - i'd been there long enough. My arm hasn't started bleeding any more, but for a couple days I checked it like every hour cause I was afraid it would happen again.

So I've now been home from the hospital over 1 week. It's so good to be home, but I know I have a long recovery to go. I am most alert and remember things in the morning. And by 8:30 at night I'm completely worn out and in a lot of pain. I have a headache nonstop and have to take a lot of pain pills. And I have to go to one of my 4 doctors a lot - and most of the time I go I have blood drawn (although now they just prick my finger). I feel like a human pin cushion.

So I know that was a lot to write, and I probably forgot some things (like the few days I had to give myselfs shots in the stomach). But this has been an overwhelming experience. The doctors have tried to figure out why a pretty healthy 26 year old girl had a stroke but they've yet to figure it out and told me I might never know. I've had a lot of conversations with God (sometime I'm angry, sometimes I'm just crying, most of the time I'm just confused). None of this makes sense, but I know that God has given me a second chance at life. I don't know what's ahead for me, but many people have told me I'll have a great testimony to share and encourage people.

So right now I'm trying to take one day at a time. I do know that I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who are encouraging and supporting me through all of this. My best friend Elise Nichols has been my constant supporter. She's staying with me today. We've been best friends for a long time but I can't even begin to say thank you enough to her for everything she's done. And people have been supporting my parents and brothers through this terrible ordeal. I thank God for putting all of this encouraging people in our lives that have done all sorts of things from bringing us food, checking out mail or putting new flowers in front of my house.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I still have a lot of recovery, but I know I'll be back to my normal self at some point and this will all just be a terrible dream!

My new friend has four legs and a tail, and I love her

It's me again! Sorry it's been so long since I blogged. In short, I loved my trip to Hawaii (had to much fun in the sun to take time to blog) and have been working like crazy since I get back to wrap up the 2010 campaign for United Way and get ready to launch the 2011 campaign.

But the newest, most exciting thing in my life is a 7-week old english springer spaniel puppy. Her name is Isabelle and she is sooo sweet. And her she is.

My family was so surprised that I actually got a dog. While I don't mind dogs - I've never been a dog lover. But I rethought my idea about owning a dog after getting sick. It's been so nice to come home to find someone who loves me, no matter what. She doesn't care that I'm sick, that I can't eat some foods. She'll curl up in my lap no matter what.

Isabelle has the cutest markings. She has two little brown dots over her eyes that look like eye shadow. And the white spot on her head forms a heart. And her little nose look like she dipped her pink nose in black ink.

Besides how cute she is, she has a great personality. She is a snuggler. Whenever she gets ready to fall asleep, she either wants to curl up in my lap or curl up right at my feet. Like this morning when I got ready for work, she sat sleeping right at my feet while I curled my hair. And I can tell she knows I'm her mom. When she's scared, she'll coming running to hide behind my feet. She's really sneaky too, she'll all the sudden be at my feet or when I'm not paying attention she'll bite my toes. Her little puppy teeth hurt. And one of her favorite things to do right now is crawl under tight spaces (like under the couch, my bed or my kitchen table) It's really cute, expect when she comes out covered in dust bunnies. Guess I don't clean under there as well as I should.

We're still working on house training her - she's had a few accidents but she's been pretty good. And I really wish she would sleep thru the night. But I love her.

Our duo becomes a trio - day 2 and 3 in Hawaii

Day two in Hawaii consisted mostly of beach, beach and a little more beach. Elise and I spent almost 6 hours at Kailaua Beach on the east side of Oahu. It was picture perfect (see below)!!! And when I looked toward the mountains I kind of felt like I was on an episode of Lost.

I need to tell you all about Vicki the Versa (or Vespa as I often call her). She is our rental car and she's special. She has maybe four cylinders...maybe. And on all these mountainous roads in Hawaii I sometimes think she's not going to make it. There have been several instances that I have had the pedal to the medal - literally and she is just inching up the mountain. But when she's going downhill, watch out!!!! She'll get going super fast real quick that you have to watch out for her. She's sneaky. And to make maters even worse - Hawaii roads are super crazy! You'll be driving along and all the sudden your lane ends - no warning. Or you think you're in an exit lane to get off the Interstate and then all of the sudden you pass the exit. (BTW: why are there interstates in Hawaii - someone please explain that one) But I'm getting a handle on the roads. And Vicki and I are bonding. But I really miss my Pathfinder at home.

On the night of day two, Elise and I officially "kidnapped" her cousin Stephy and she is now on vacation with us thru Sunday. For those of you that don't know, Stephy is based out here at YWAM Honolulu  (YWAM stands for Youth With a Mission). We went to the YWAM base Thursday night for a worship service and then took Stephy back to our hotel with us. She's not thrilled about waking up as early as Elise and I do, but she's having fun with us.

On Day three, we got up early to head to Hanauma Bay to go snorkeling. We got there about 9 a.m. and Vicki found prime parking for us. After watching the required safety and preservation video (which I'm pretty sure was filmed in the 80s) we went down to start snorkeling in the bay. We saw tons of beautiful fish while in the bay. The colors of the fish were brilliant - high five God!!! I had hope to see a turtle but no such luck :( Stephy got up close and personal with a fish that swam right in front of her masked. Elise and I both got rammed into by other snorkelers that apparently didn't see us. I yelled 'beep, beep' at the guy that ran into me. We snorkeled for a few hours but left around noon because it was getting super hot and super crowded. Elise and I had both already started to burn after our 6 hour beach day the previous day so we didn't want to fry any more. So we jumped back in Vicki and went and got some shaved ice - which was ohh so good. Now we're back in the hotel reading our books (I'm already on my second one) and getting ready to go to our luau tonight. I'll posted about that tomorrow.

Until we meet again - aloha!

A personal victory and a national tragedy - day one in Hawaii

For those of you who don't know (and I don't know who that would be cause I think I've told everyone), I am currently in Hawaii for a much needed, much anticipated, and much deserved vacation. I'm here with my best friend Elise and we're also visiting her cousin Stephy who is stationed at the YWAM base here. Stephy is the daughter of the Spanish missionaries that I got close to when I lived in Spain.

We arrived on Oahu on Tuesday afternoon. We first went to see where Stephy lived at the YWAM base and also saw our other good friend Tatum. For those of you who are complaining about traffic in ATL - Hawaii traffic is just as bad - and our rental car who I've affectionately named Vicki the Versa has no pick-up. I miss my SUV! We then checked into our hotel, took a walk along the beach to watch some locals surf and then went to bed at like 8:30 p.m. Hawaii is 6 hours behind Marietta, so we were exhausted.

With the time difference, we both woke up around 4:30 a.m. It's been a long time since I've seen that hour and it's usually from the other side. So we decided to get up and get going with our day around 7 a.m. We'd already decided our goal for the day was to hike Diamond head and visit Pearl Harbor. So here are those adventures.

A personal victory - hiking Diamond Head.

Diamond Head is a huge crater on Oahu that was left when a volcano erupted. You can hike to the tallest peak - but this adventure is an "all in" sort of thing. The hike starts with a gentle climb up the mountain - nothing to different to what I'm use to in hiking Kennesaw Mountain. But soon you stop walking the rocky trail and climb dozens upon dozens of stairs (including a set of windy stairs inside what feels like a lighthouse.) Here is a picture of the biggest set of stairs we climbed - this was taken on the way down so the stairs weren't as bad.

But despite the seemingly gigantic task ahead, Elise and I both made it to the top and saw breathtaking views of the island. There were times when I didn't think I would make it - including a very claustrophobic walk thru a long, dark tunnel. But we made it - and it was worth it. (see picture below - ignore the sweating appearance - these southern girls skipped glistening and went straight to sweating on this hike). And the good thing about waking up so stinking early was it wasn't nearly as hot or crowded as the hike could have been. I couldn't imagine hiking this with a big crowd.

A national tragedy - Pearl Harbor

After a fairly easy walk back down the mountain, we got back into Vicki to head over to Pearl Harbor. Even though we got to Pearl Harbor about 9:30 a.m. we didn't get tickets to visit the U.S.S. Arizona memorial until 1 p.m. So we bought tickets to go tour the U.S.S. Missouri - Mighty Mo. On this ship, Japan surrendered and WWII in the Pacific was over. Elise and I had a lot of fun posing with the large guns on the ship.

Now I have to be honest that this trip to Pearl Harbor brought a lot of emotions, questions and thoughts to my head. I kept trying to imagine what these soldiers, seamen and Marines thought when the saw the Japanese planes coming over the mountains. Having a military family, including an older brother who is a former Marine, I couldn't help picturing their faces on the men in battle. One question I did ask to the park ranger at the U.S.S. Missouri is - do many Japanese come and visit Pearl Harbor? I didn't ask this question to be mean, I was really curious. His answered surprised me. He said actually tons of Japanese visit Pearl Harbor, but the trip is usually a huge eye opener for them. Many times they've never really heard the true story of what happened that day in December. He said he's seen many of them with tears in their eyes - saddened by what their country did.

We finally got to go visit the U.S.S. Arizona memorial. For those who don't know, the Arizona sank very quickly in the shallow waters of Pearl Harbor. When a torpedo hit it, the battleships ammunition exploded and almost all of the people on board (1,100) died when the ship exploded or sank. The Arizona is just below the water at Pearl Harbor with several portions of the ship above water. Here is a picture of the memorial that goes across the Arizona. The rusted portion in front is actually a portion of the ship.

The visit to Pearl Harbor was very interesting. Did you know that in his famous speech asking Congress to declare war, President FDR originally intended to say that Dec. 7, 1941 would be a "day that would live in world history." But a quick rewrite with a pencil changed that to "infamy."And did you also know that many of the ships that were damaged in the attack on Pearl Harbor were fixed up and used during WWII in the Pacific.

After we got back to the hotel, we went and walked the beach and watched some of the locals surf. Those guys, and girls, are real dare-devils!  Tomorrow our plan is to hang out at the beach all day. But right now I'm fading fast and am thinking about going to bed (still adjusting to the time changed). I'll post more pictures on Facebook later.

Until then - aloha!

The 40 days might be over, but the journey is just beginning

As of today, I have completed the 40-day program outlined in the Maker's Diet. It has been the hardest endeavour I have ever taken on in my life. There have been days I've wanted to quit, moments I've slipped off the diet and just all around bad days. But the good has definitely outweighed the bad and I'm glad that I did it. While my health is 100% of where I want it to be; I have more control of it, which is what I ultimately wanted.

But as the title of this blog states, my journey is really just beginning. Once you do the 40-days of the Maker's Diet, your really encouraged to stay on phase three forever. To do this I must continue to eliminate breads, most pastas, tons of sugar, pork, fast foods, Cokes and a few other of my former favorite things from my diet. This might seem like a daunting task, but after "fasting" from these things for the last 40 days, I really don't miss them. Tonight I went to dinner with my family and didn't have a problem avoiding the bread on the table.

You can enjoy off diet meals; your just encouraged to not have off diet days. It's easier for your body to recover from one off diet meal than an off diet day. And this is good news as I get ready to go on vacation to Hawaii. I haven't figured out exactly how I'm going to stay true to the Maker's Diet while in paradise, but I'm going to try.

And church today was such an encouragement for me. If you read my previous blog you read about how I've had a slight relapse and was disappointed. Things have improved (not 100% better - but better). But the sermon at church was all about staying focused on whatever your expecting deliverance from and not getting discouraged. Our pastor shared about how they struggled for years with a rebelous son, and he and his wife prayed continuously for years for deliverance. And thru it all he learned that God's timing is his own, and that many times God's deliverance won't look like what were expecting but that it will be good! In the middle of the sermon, our pastor asked for anyone who is praying for deliverance from something to have the boldness to stand so that the congregation can pray for them. I stood up and was immediately surrounded by the three girls in my accountability group who knew exactly what I have been petitioning God for - restored health. It was a great moment as I reach the end of this 40-day journey and enter into a new journey. It was such a blessing to have them pray over me and support me through this.

I probably won't update this blog until I get back from Hawaii - please pray for safe travels and that I'm able to stay as true as I can to the Maker's Diet. I'm excited about this vacation and it probably is exactly what I need to get my stress under control.

So until I blog again - Aloha!

A pound of stress, a cup of coffee and a dash of anxiety are not good for the soul (or gut)

Ok, I know it's been awhile since I've posted an update. And I've debated back and forth whether or not to actually write this update. But I promised for the get-go that I would use the blog as a way to capture my honest thoughts, feelings and emotions. So here goes.

I have a confession - the last few days haven't been great physically. Several Crohn's symptoms have returned in the last few days. I actually went back on a small dose of my meds (minus the prednisone) to try to get my body back in order. But as I think over the last few days and try to figure out what might have caused this re-lapse I can pin-point three things: stress, coffee and anxiety.

A pound of stress:
So if you've talked to me in the last few weeks and asked how work was, I probably gave a sarcastic answer or rolled my eyes. While I still love my job (let me make that completely clear) it has been filled with tons of stress recently. I think 1/4 of the stress is just part of the job. By the nature of the job, non-profits are hard, and even harder when the economy is struggling. Demand for services increases, which means more money is needed. But the supply of money has shrunk - so for a fundraiser like me, you have to get creative, smart and dedicated to do your job. Another 1/4 of the stress has to do with some internal changes at work. I'm not going to go into them. I'm actually excited to see how this new structure will work out in the long run. But there are folks who are upset or resistant to the change - so it's been stressful navigating the mind field of who is fighting or embracing the changes. And then the last half of my stress is to do with a "little" thing called Heart in Hand. This is an awards luncheon that we've done for the last 26 years and there are typically 250 guests. This year I have single-handily organized the entire event (securing sponsors, soliciting nominations, sending out invitations, working with the venue and caterer, etc). I've had a little support here and there - my intern helped write the script and our marketing department designed some of the printed materials. But ultimately this event falls on my shoulders, and almost all of the entire president's cabinet of my organization is going to be there. And if it wasn't stressful enough - due to the changes at work, I'm speaking during the event. I'd rather be behind the scenes making sure everything goes smoothly, but as hard as I tried to figure someone else to do it, I was the logically person. And if I didn't mention it, the luncheon is next Friday.

Stress and Crohn's do not mix. Anything you read about Crohn's will say one of the top triggers is stress. Obviously all this stress has not been good for me. But I am trying to find ways to reduce my stress - I try to walk at the park next to my house and I'm going this Saturday for a massage. But please don't tell me to try to destress my life - that just stresses me out.

A cup of coffee:
Confession #2 - Despite commercially ground coffee being on the avoid list of the Maker's Diet, I have enjoyed several cups of coffee recently. I know, not good. I think it goes back to my days as a reporter. Before I would get started on a big story I was get a cup of coffee or a Coke - maybe the caffeine just helped me focus. And with all the stress at work, and with Heart in Hand looming around the corner, I've returned to my comfort of coffee.

I know it's bad. And I can tell you that I have more symptoms on days that I drink coffee than those that I don't. I know it's a big culprit of this relapse. So pray that I will regain that will-power to just say no. And also that this cold weather will go away. I tend to drink coffee more when it's cold.

A dash of anxiety:
I know the Bible said we shouldn't be anxious about anything; but I have a little anxiety right now. Besides being anxious about everything related to Heart in hand, I am a little anxious about my upcoming vacation. In a couple days, I'm going with my friend Elise to Hawaii to visit her cousin Stephy (who is the daughter of the Spanish missionaries that I've worked with). I'm super excited about this vacation (I need and deserve this vacation), but everything leading up to it has me just a little anxious. I miss the days when you were little and can go on vacation worry free. Now I have to worry about what I might miss at work, finding someone to get my mail, making sure I have everything packed and my tickets printed. Kids have it good. There is also some anxiety about going so far away when I don't feel 100 %. If things don't get better soon, I will call my doctor and I'll probably have to go back on prednisone. But I don't want that. I want to enjoy myself on this amazing trip I've planned for and waited for.

I know I've written a pretty negative blog. And while I'm frustrated, anxious, concerned and a little overwhelmed, I am not discouraged.

Within the last few days several things have happened that have encouraged and lifted me up. The biggest has been two prophetic words that were spoken over me on Sunday night at church.

Hackett sings about in a song called "The Lowest Place." If you look at the words to the song that I have roughly posted below, its a reminder to me that this commitment to the Maker's Diet most importantly is a testament of my faith. And pure joy is only found in God when you completely surrender everything and get to the lowest place so that God can bring you back up.

Here are the word (but the songs is worth downloading)
"You said there would be joy in the laying down; you said there would be joy in the letting go; you said there would be joy in the giving of my life. And now I sing; Your river rushes to the lowest place (4x); come and rush over me (3x); let the river flow; I bow down; I get low; I open up my heart to receive your love; I gotta get to the wells of joy; I have to dig for the wells of joy; I've gotta get to the wells of joy; I gotta get lower."

The second prophetic word came from a complete stranger. She prayed Psalms 103 over me. Little did she know that Psalms 103 is probably one of my favorite Psalms. Mandy Mann sings an amazing song called Psalms 103 that I think is so beautiful - one of my favorites. While the entire chapter is full of good words, it starts off "Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul; and forget not all his benefits - for he forgives all your sings and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things." Now that is good stuff!

Thank you for allowing me to be honest. If you feel compelled to pray for me (and I hope you are) here are a couple prayer request:
1. Healing would come to my body
2. I would regain the will power to stick to the diet
3. I would remain encouraged
4. My journey would be a testament of God's power and Glory

Until next time...

Phase one complete - it was hard but worth it

It's Sunday night and that means I have finished phase one of the Maker's Diet!!! I am so proud of myself. These last two weeks have probably been some of the hardest weeks I have ever gone thru - but it has been my faith, family and friends that have gotten me thru this ordeal. Here are some things I've learned as I went thru Phase One.

I'm stronger than I thought I was: This past Tuesday I hit a wall in the diet. It was a cold, rainy day. Driving home from work, all I wanted to do was come home and curl up on my couch with some comfort food. And my definition of comfort food would have been junk - nothing involved in phase one of the diet. Luckily, my 2 mile drive home on Whitlock Avenue (which typically takes about 30 minutes at 5 p.m. rush hour) gave me time to talk myself out of going home and eating bad food. I kept reminding myself that I was eating comfort food - food prescribed to me from the Creator. If I came home and ate junk, then I wouldn't be in any comfort.

A diet is easier when you're doing it for the right reasons: Several times in my life I've tried different "diets" or tried to eat "right" to lose weight. But I've failed at all of those attempts. But staying true to the Maker's Diet has been easier because the motivation behind it is pure and true. As I said from the beginning,  I'm not doing this to lose weight (although I have lost weight - don't know how much because I didn't weigh myself before I started and don't really see the need to know). I'm on this diet to regain control of my health. I'm ok with sacrificing a view of my food vices to not live a life on medicines.

I really enjoying cooking: Ok this is something that I've known about myself, but I've rekindled my love of cooking thru this diet. The past few years I've been so busy that many of my meals were quick or from a restaurant. And living by myself, I didn't like cooking for one. But this diet has forced me to slow down and be more intentional about cooking. And it's been fun experimenting. There has been a small selection of foods that I could have, but I've tried to come up with different combinations as to not get bored with anything. One of the things I've enjoyed about this diet is coming home from work and cooking.

I could not have done this with out the support of family and friends: There have been days these last two weeks that I've wanted to quit. But it's been the encouragement and support of family and friends that keeps me on course. My mom has been my constant cheerleader - asking me about the diet constantly. She's also cooked me countless meals that fit into the diet, and she always made extra so that I could take leftovers home for lunch the next day. My sister-in-law (who is a health nut herself), has been a great resource to talk to about what I should be eating and what brands, stores, etc. are the best ones to check out. And I've gained new friends in this - I've met several times and e-mail back and forth with a new friend I met thru another friend. She has Crohn's and has been on the Maker's Diet for several years now. She's been a great source of encouragement, information and accountability. She's someone I can talk to about what I'm going thru and I know she understands cause she's been there. There are countless other friends and family who have been supporting me too - most importantly with their prayers and encouragement.

This experience is bringing me closer to God: While I started this journey to gain my health back, I've also gained a closer relationship with God. I've been a Christian since I accepted Christ at summer camp when I was in 7th grade. But I've never had to fully, completely and whole-heartedly rely on, and put my faith in God like I have with this. In the quiet moments, when I'm all alone at my house and no one would really know if I ate a bag of chips of a handful of cookies, it's been God's quiet and gentle spirit that has kept me on the right path. I know he loves me and wants what's best for me. He's given me the strength to get thru this.

God is restoring me: One of my favorite worship songs right now is called "Restoration." The chorus is "You take my mourning, and turn it into dancing/ You take my weeping and turn it into laughing/ You take my mourning and turn it into dancing/ You take my sadness and turn it into joy." Those lines really explain how I feel on this journey. And I can already tell that God is beginning to restore my health. I'll spare you all the details - but basically I feel great and I'm not having as many symptoms of Crohn's. Every day gets a little better. In the end, I have full faith that God will take my sadness (poor health) and will turn it into joy (good health)!

So starting tomorrow I move on to Phase Two of the diet - and that means sweet potatoes!!!! That's probably what I'm most excited about with Phase Two. Sweet potatoes are probably one of my favorite foods, I bought some today at the store in preparation for Phase Two. I'll probably dream about sweet potatoes tonight :) Yummy!

A picture of faith

So I've finally finished week one, and I'm on to week two of phase one. It's been ok. I'm starting to get bored with my options in phase one. I was never a big egg eater and now I'm eating them every morning for breakfast cause that is about all I'm allowed to have. So I'm ready to start adding new foods. But overall I am feeling really good. I'm exercising at least 3 times a week - and I'm starting to feel the benefits they talk about in the Maker's Diet like more energy.

But I really wanted to take this time to explain the most important part of this journey - faith. I have faith that God is leading me down this path, and that he ultimately will heal me. I've learned a lot about my faith in God since I got sick last summer. There have been moments where I've hit rock bottom and have just cried. And then I try to remember to praise God when I have the good times like good reports from the doctor. My faith has been put thru the ringer, but I totally believe I have a lot stronger faith in God than I ever did when I was healthy.

Since I got sick, there has been one picture of faith that God has printed in my mind over and over again. She doesn't have a name, but her small actions caused the Son of God to notice.  Her story is found several times in the Gospel. All we really know about her is that she was bleeding for many years and spent countless dollars and time trying to find a remedy for her illness. Nothing seemed  to work - sounds familiar. When she heard that Jesus was in town, she mustered the strength to go to the street, press thru the crowd and touch the edge of Jesus' cloak. Her touch, however light it might have been, was strong enough to get Jesus' attention, because he looked for her. Once he found her and learned her story, Jesus said the words I am praying to hear: "Take heart my daughter," he said. "Your faith has healed you." Now that's that kind of faith I want, that I'm praying for, and that I'm believing will come.

I know I said this picture of faith has reappeared in mine life since I got sick last summer. In January, I was given an actual picture of it. Our church was having a week of fasting and prayer. Each night during the week our church was gathered for prayer and each night was a different theme. Thursday night was all about healing prayer - our church has an anointed healing prayer ministry so I knew I needed to be there. During the service, they had two girls painting prophetic art during worship, and the picture below is what one of the artist painted. I knew that the painting was for me - and even cooler was that one of our pastors knew my story and presented me with the painting at the end of the service. The painting now hangs in my room at the end of the bed so that I see it as I go to bed and its the first thing I see in the morning. It is a daily reminder of what I'm praying for and expecting God for. I have no doubt that one day I will hear Jesus say, "Ashley, take heart my daughter. Your faith has healed you."

Domino's pizza don't you know I'm on a diet

So yesterday when I got home from work, hanging on my front door knob was an advertisement for pizza from Domino's. It was the last thing I wanted to see after the day I had. See I have to confess - I went off the diet Friday for lunch. I had a hamburger, including bun (broke the no bread role) and a Sprite.

Here is the reason/excuse as to why I "had" to eat that way. United Way, who I work for, had their metro campaign celebration. The event was a mixture of high school pep rally and carnival. The only food available was hamburgers, hot dogs, nachos, popcorn and cotton candy. So I went with the hamburger; it was off the diet but was the least off the diet food available.

But I've been back on the diet ever since. And I've actually had fun coming up with different meals. I'm cooking now more than ever, and that's been fun. Last night I had pesto-lime chicken with a salad. And I made the pesto with leaves from the basil plant in my kitchen. (I've been know to kill any plant in my house - but this basil plant is out of control. So if anyone is looking for fresh basil, give me a call and I'll hook you up.) And then this morning I made an omelet with goat cheese and green peppers. It was really, really yummy.

I'm still drinking the "lawn-mower" green stuff. Every day I'm able to drink a little more than the time before but it's still awful. Apparently it's tolerable when mixed with Apple juice; however, I'm not allowed to have fruit juices in the first phase. So I suffer thru it.

One more week on phase one. I hear the second week is a little harder cause you just get tired of eating the same foods. So I'm trying to keep it interesting.

On Sunday, I'm hopefully going to have truly fresh fish. We're going to my grandparents lake in Newnan, and the plan is to fish. Usually we end up frying the fish, but I'm going to order mine baked cause I can't have bread. But it'll still be yummy. I just have to catch the fish first.

Downside of phase one

Sorry I didn't write yesterday - my mom and I had a girls' night that involved a play at Theatre on the Square. So by the time I got home, it was late and I went to bed.

Now back to what I wanted to write about. Today I experienced one of the downsides of being in Phase One of the Maker's Diet - eating out with friends. A group of my Leadership Cobb friends were getting together to celebrate a friend's birthday at one of my favorite restaurants on the Marietta Square. I went to say hello for the pre-dinner get-together, but had to say goodbye when folks started moving toward the dinner table. I could have stayed, but I was hungry. And I really could not eat (or enjoy) anything on the dinner.

So instead I came home and ate some leftovers that I had made earlier this week that fit in with phase one.  It was hard having to explain while I was leaving to my friends. "I'm going home because I'm on a diet," seems silly to say. When you say you're on a diet, most people think it's cause you want to lose weight and they tend to say some interesting things about why your not eating. But I'm not trying to lose anything. I'm actually trying to gain something back - my health. And I'm on more than just a diet; I'm on a journey to save my life.

My friends who told me about the Maker's Diet warned me about this. So I guess this is something  I need to be prepared to experience while I'm on this journey. It's a sacrifice that I'm willing to take. I'll figure out a way to be sociable with my friends, but also eat the way I'm suppose to.

Day 5 is over - I'm close to finishing week one of Phase One. Only one more week left and then we can move on to Phase Two.

The worst summer of my life

So day two of the diet wasn't much different than day one, so today I've decided to write about the summer when my whole life changed.

Last summer (2010), I felt like I was the picture of perfect health. I was running a couple times a week and going to a kickboxing class at the gym. I was in good health - here is a picture of me with my "sisters" from Spain at the Fourth of July.

The week after this picture was taken, I was a counselor at my church's summer camp. When I got home from camp I just wasn't feeling well. My stomach hurt and I was exhausted. I figured I had just picked up a bug from camp - moldy cabins and bad camp food. But my symptoms soon got worst - to the point I wasn't able to hold down food at all.

I went to my primary care doctor cause I knew this was not something that would just pass. That was a Thursday afternoon three weeks after I got home from camp. She referred me to a GI specialist with an appointment on Monday - I never made that appointment.

That Sunday, I finally mustered the strength to attend a graduation party for my friend Elise. I was exhausted and felt horrible. But I went. A good family friend, Sandy Gillam (who is a nurse), was also there and just didn't feel ok with how I looked. She ended up calling my mom who showed up at my house about an hour after I got home. Mom said we're going to the hospital - I protested the whole way, but I now know that my mom's determination probably saved my life.

When we arrived at the ER, I was immediately taken to a room - my pulse and blood pressure were dangerously low.  Soon after I got to a room, I was given two blood transfusions. I now know that the doctors were really nervous that I could have a heart attack - really scary.

I then was moved upstairs into a real room at Kennestone Hospital and met with a GI specialists the next day. After several test and biopsies the doctor determined that I either had ulcerative colotis or Crohn's, we'd have to wait for the results of the biopsies to really narrow it down. In the follow up visit, the doctor said the biopsies showed that it was Crohns.

I ended up staying in the hospital for 5 horrible days. For most of those days I was on a liquid diet. By day three of the liquid diet, when they asked me if I wanted chicken, beef or vegetable broth, I told them to spin a wheel and choose one cause they all taste the same. I'm not really a good patient.

So that is how this whole journey of dealing with Crohn's began. It was a scary time in my life that really changed my life. It's been a roller coaster, especially emotionally.

But I think my new path has leveled everything out. I think I'm finally on my way to being that picture of perfect health again!